George C. Scott is the Man

"Buuuuttt...he's gonna see... the big board!"

A short time ago I saw a post on Reddit lampooning a certain movie poster for being over the top, stupid and embarrassingly hilarious for whomever made it. Now, I’ve seen some weird shit on the internet and a link like the one described is nothing out of the ordinary for websites like Reddit. I clicked on it with a type of childish innocence rarely see in about-to-graduate college students.
I’m sure you’ll judge for yourself, but the poster to the left for the movie “The Day of the Dolphin” is pretty ridiculous.  It’s kind of got the Snakes on a Plane thing going for it in that the tagline (in this case) just gives you the short and sweet of a very stupid plot.  Hilarious. But no, it’s not, because this poster is for a movie starring one of the greatest actors of all time, Mr. George C. Scott, and he deserves some more respect.  To prove this, I’ve arranged my argument in a few bullet points, because you are most likely used to things being taught to you through Power Point, because you’re a simpleton.

Reason Number 1: Have you seen the movie Patton? If not, stop reading this. Its streaming on fucking Netflix for god’s sake, take 171 minutes and come out a man at the end.  Yeah, that’s right 171 minutes (3 hours, idiot), it takes that long to develop an actual narrative worth caring about, like say…fighting WWII.  If you can’t hack watching Patton than go eat a salad and enjoy Finding Nemo.

That being said, Patton is one of the most epic movies ever made, depicting the WWII biography of America’s most hardassed General who did whatever he wanted and never let anything (thousands of Nazi’s) get in the way.  For all intents and purposes George C. Scott and George S. Patton are practically the same person.

Reason Number 2: Dr. Strangelove. One of Stanley Kubrick’s many masterpieces; in it, Scott plays General Buck Turgidson.  His character is the completely over-the-top commander of the U.S. military during a possible nuclear attack in the 1964 black comedy.  For the record, it’s not a black comedy because it’s in black and white, it’s a satire (like the Daily Show), OK?  This movie was revolutionary, and Scott’s character provided the saber-rattling American foil to the Russian Ambassador’s Cold War paranoia and the stunningly ignorant and passive-aggressive American President (Peter Sellers).  On top of playing his character to a “T”, he was allegedly Kubrick’s equal at Chess, and I don’t think Stanley Kubrick likes anyone being his equal at anything.

Reason Number 3: He turned down the best actor Oscar for Patton.  That’s right, he turned down what is understood to be the biggest sign of achievement in the film industry, calling it a “meat parade.” What have you turned down? Maybe a second helping of dessert every once in a while? Maybe even you ladies have turned down a guy named Oscar.  No, not the same.

In closing, I hope you take your new-found respect for George C. into the world.  He was a badass guy, a great actor, and deserves far more respect than having his movie ridiculed on the internet. If not, don’t say I didn’t warn you when he rises from the grave and gives you the stiff talking-to that you deserve.