Six. Five. Eight.
What does this number mean to you? It could be how much you paid for a vacation to Wally World or how many friends you have on Facebook, but this number means more to one person in particular than it ever could to you and your unimportant little life. Because your unimportant life isn’t broadcast on national television.
A friend of mine sent me a text the other day, the text read “Heidi Montag’s album, Superficial, sold 658 copies this week”. Six. Five. Eight. This is un-fucking-believable… and at the same time the single most self-validating thing to ever happen to me. This statistic renews my faith in humanity. As an aspiring audio engineer and music fanatic I have always (naturally) been opposed to b-list celebrities thinking they have any talent whatsoever and releasing albums.
Over the years, geniuses like Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff and Eddie Murphy have gotten it into their over inflated noggins that they have something relevant to say and it must be shared with the world through song. This infuriates me. So when reality star Heidi Montag of The Hills fame started feeling that itch that so many stars of the tabloid circuit have felt before, to record an album, I assumed we were in for more of the same. The same being about 50,000 albums sold, various appearances on early morning programing, a teen choice award and thousands of tweens screaming their faces off (as soon as they get their voices back from the JoBros concert). But then this happened. This is divine intervention, like in the movies when the clouds part and God speaks down to the main character, telling him to have no fear, everything will be alright. Well, everything isn’t going to be alright (by Joe Rotondi), but I guess it’s gonna be just a little better than I thought.
People don’t completely feed into all of this! They don’t open wide and receive every bit of horse shit that is spoon fed to them by the so-called media. This is my first (and most likely last) salute to the American populous. Job well done. Way to see through the bullshit that is Heidi Montag and answer to your own musical taste as oppose to what you’re being told to listen to. The Times had a funny little article on the topic where they actually sought out a few of those six hundred and fifty-eight buyers of Superficial and interviewed/profiled them. A truly hilarious read.
On a related note, I’m sure that Heidi meant for the album title to be an indictment on the Hollywood scene, but in light of her recent “upgrades” doesn’t it seem just a little more fitting? Maybe it should’ve been called Artificial? Yeah, I like that.
On a slightly off topic, but related, note, here is the video from a particular celebrity that deserved all of his praise but clearly took it too far back in 1998 when he released this single. (More to come on Pesci, I feel an entire post’s worth of emotions when watching this video)
At first, I thought you were going to say I can’t believe a whopping 658 people bought her album (which I was unaware was in the works). I hope the publicity she is getting for sucking doesn’t make people go out and buy it out of sheer curiosity.
And did Pesci have to get permission from Mister Rogers for that song?
Her album should be called “Artificial”, okay, and this blog should be “Superficial”. You know what “renews my faith in humanity”, as you put it? Finding blogs where people say they stand for something where the only “proof” isn’t caring about what Heidi Montag is up to. I’d be embarrassed to be you, friend. I mean, if you really want her to waft away into the atmosphere like the vapid poof of insubstantial steam that she is, quit writing about her and saying her name a whole bunch?
LOL I’m just kidding, you’re obviously rational and understand the stupidity in this. It was on purpose, right? Right?
http://loveblognumber5.wordpress.com/
I don’t see what everybody sees in that woman. Can’t understand…
http://www.fernandosouza.org
HILARIOUS!! I totally agree! It’s drives me FREAKING crazy that these so-called “celebrities” think they have what it takes to be a real musician just because they’ve been in the limelight! Struggling artist like myself are fed up with it, and I’m even shocked Heidi sold 658 copies! SMH!
I love your post. I don’t want to say we have a similar mindset because I don’t know you and that would be creepy…..but I do. Keep writing.
sfas
giveitasecondlook.wordpress.com
PS I will admit (due to three years working at an elementary school) I have a soft spot for Hannah/Miley. Yes, I’m ashamed.
I read your blog as instructed – why? Who is Heidi Montag, and why should I be interested? Disappointing!!
I’m from London, so I don’t know the bird, but what you say on this post is absolutely right. One day the trend will revert back to people with actual talent creating most of the music, rather than those enhanced with peroxide, monofibre and silicone. But I know I’m in for a long wait.