Geithner’s not a…

In response to Geithner’s comments that he has “never been a banker,” I started thinking about what else he has never been.  While John Sununu’s retort was both humorous and truthful, there is much more fun to be had at Timmy’s expense. As the key economic advisor to “that Tiger Woods guy,” one might think that Timmy boy would make some sort of effort to mask his disdain for bankers and their success.  Let’s face it, despite Geithner’s rising through the ranks of the Treasury, IMF, and Fed, he never made bank like a banker.  He never knew what bonus season was all about and he has only heard murmurs of models and bottles.  Jealousy is an ugly trait Tim.  But, back to the point.  A list of things that Tim Geithner has never been and never will be.

Good Looking. Why he looks like a swamp rat is beyond me, but he does.  Tim’s five-head, Kramer hair cut, elfish ears, and the fact that his eyes are too close together scare me and little children everywhere.  How can we trust this guy with our economy when we can’t even trust him with a child? I saw him make a baby cry once just by looking at him.

An independent mind. It must suck to be an ornery little lap dog.  Always a jealous little guy, what Geithner lacks in baller-ness he makes up with preplanned statements and pot-shots at those more successful than him. Bonus: Stylish. It wasn’t Halloween in this picture.

Heterosexual. Um, yeah.  Straight people don’t take gay pictures.  That’s the bottom line. This is a gay picture of two gay dudes being gay together.  We can clearly glean from this that Obama’s boy Timmy is definitely a little light in his (cheap) loafers.

Because you all know there can only be one.