Harrison Ford: Bad Ass Action Star or Closet Butt Pirate?

It's ok, it was the 70's!

I’m sitting here watching Clear and Present Danger, a classic Tom Clancy novel turned classic action film that makes middle-aged men who’ve never done an adventurous thing in their lives cream in their Dockers. As many of you know, this movie stars Harrison Ford as the protagonist Jack Ryan. Ford has been well known since his first major role as Han Solo in the Star Wars trilogy and his continued success in the Indiana Jones trilogy (I’m ignoring numero 4 out of respect to the movie gods) solidified him as an action star. He has gone on to star in numerous action and adventure films, such as Blade Runner, Air Force One, and The Fugitive. All classics, all movies I love.

My question is, why has Harrison devoted his entire career to these macho-man action movies? He has literally never strayed from his “bad ass” image over his entire 30+ year career. Does this strike anyone else but me as odd? Why does he never do the token emotional movie that every other straight actor does from time to time just to score more chicks? Does he get a perverse pleasure out of the image of those middle-aged yuppies splooging their pants in the back row of the movie theater? Sounds like a classic case of over-compensation to me. I think he’s been getting some extra use out of Indy’s whip in his down time.

The man is notoriously private and keeps his personal life tightly “under wraps”. I don’t think I can dance around it anymore. I think Harrison Ford likes dudes. If you don’t believe me, may I present exhibits A through Y:  Calista Flockhart. Any man who dates this walking skeleton clearly has no clue what an attractive woman is. She is too busy following Frodo around, looking for her precious to notice that he isn’t fucking her and he’s spending a lot of time hanging out in public bathrooms. But I’m onto you Harrison Ford.  [correction] I meant ON TO you Harrison, now stop sending me MySpace messages.

Where was Harrison's hand?

Oh, and exhibit Z is that gay little earring.